You’re kinda pissin’ me off!

By: sonofabeach96

Jul 27 2015

Category: Uncategorized


I’ve made it known here that I’m not religious.  I’m spiritual, and believe and have faith, but not  a church goer.  I grew up with it, was taught it in school, and was forced to attend as a kid.  By grandparents mind you, as my parents were hippies to a degree.  They did not do the church thing.  But even at a young age I began to question.  Question the doctrine being shouted at me, the hypocrisy of many of those who would stand before us and judge us, yet being discovered as child molesters, and how is it possible that good god could, and would so frequently, “allow” tragic injustices to occur daily, for centuries, throughout humanity.

Over the years since being out and on my own, I stopped going to church.  Nobody could force me to anymore.  But I’ve always had a relationship with god.  Much the way one is at ease, talks freely, and laughs or cries with a good friend, I feel like my talks with god are like the ones I have with my best friend, in both temperment and tone.  That type of relationship has it’s ups and downs.  You may even be angry at each other, for a time.

right now is one of those times for me.  Why does a god who’s supposed to be love, to be a good and caring god, allow such tremendous pain and suffering.  And by so many.  For, as it appears, is for no greater reason than “that’s life”.  These moments of doubt and questioning of motives are somewhat rare.  I suppose everybody has them.  But when in the midst of such occasion, I severely question my faith.

How can a perfect little newborn eventually be diagnosed with autism?  How can a family be stripped if son and brother so callously, making him suffer for 3 years before mercifully ending it.  How can a fantastic woman, who I’d called my surrogate mom on more than one occasion, be blindsided by death, with many more years left to provide something positive to the world?  And how could parents create a living, breathing human being then proceed to treat it like shit for the remainder of their years?  And this is just some of my stuff.  Multiply that by however many billions our population is now.  Then compound that yearly, etc.  that’s a lot of suffering.

So, god and I are “on a break” right now.  We’ll get back together.  We always do.  I’m questioning my faith, not abandoning it.  I realize im being blasphumus to some.  Please no hate, just conversation.

Add “24 Frames” by Jason Isbell to today’s playlist.

4 comments on “You’re kinda pissin’ me off!”

  1. Hello, SOBeach. I reply is a mini post. I had an interesting experience last year. I was working on an installation of fiction as art and I was trying to create some controversy because I thought conservative Christians would hate it but I got more conservative Christian subscribers. I up with both influences. My grandfather for better or worse was more of a pagan and my grandmother did not do church. The very religious people in my family are fanatics. I agree that sometimes you have to wonder if God is really powerful, especially when I see how some parents treat their precious darlings. They’re so ridiculously cute and adorable. I can’t get not loving them intensely.

    This is my physicist brain talking but I think that there is no point to our existence except that we were fashioned into something by forces that are greater than us. But forces that are greater than us (some call it Free Will I call it DNA) make us act like in an unreasonable way. I think the closer one is to divine authority the less likely one is inclined to behave in an non accountable manner. I think religion is good because it gives us a sense that there is an assessment happening.

    Hypocrisy is always going to happen. I was watching Nymphomaniac (Lars von Trier) and it came up as a part of the dialogue. Hypocrisy versus forgiveness. And my take on it is we are hypocrites as humans but this quality really allows us to forgive the people we are emotionally invested in.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kinda holding us accountable, if only in our own minds? I can see that. Sorta reminds me of Nietzsche’s philosophy. I see your point. And like I said I’m not anti-god, not by a long stretch. Maybe it’s the old catholic in me, but when I am pissed at god, and tell him, I feel guilty. Like, who am I to question god? Maybe I’m pissing him off? Am I being hypocritical? Not forgiving the almighty forgiven?

      Liked by 1 person

      • (Could you fix my “I reply” to “My reply”. Siri, really?)

        I don’t know enough comforting things to say in this situation but I feel that this journey is specific to you and only you can go that road. That is why religion is so tough to talk about. It’s very personal. Every day should at least bring us a new epiphany.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Agreed. I usually don’t talk about this topic with anyone but my wife. It is personal. We are all different. But, what is consistent is consistent suffering, in some shape or form, by all of us, with varying degrees of severity of course. I just kinda wrangle with it in my mind sometimes. I’ll find my way back, probably in the near future. But right now, we are a bit on the outs. Thank you for your thought provoking and astute reply. As always, you rock mon amie!

        Liked by 1 person

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