Not this old man!

By: sonofabeach96

Aug 06 2015

Category: Uncategorized


I’ve done a bit of bitching and moaning about my dad in this blog (I’m not really a fan of the term “blog”, but anyway).  In fact the very thing that prompted my very first posting was an issue I had with him.  That was over a month ago.  Wrote another about him a few posts later.  That one actually gave me a bit of hope.  False hope, as it turns out thus far.

That last talk we had was about three weeks ago.  I haven’t spoken to him since.  I’ve tried.  I’ve made 2 calls myself and had the boys call him once.  Went to voicemail all 3 times, with no return call as of yet.  And this is after me offering the peace pipe, admitting my fault in our disconnect in the process, and then attempting to reach out 3 separate times.  Come in fucking Berlin!!!  I mean, c’mon dude!  I don’t care about me but I’d think he’d at least want to know his only grandsons, hell, his only grandchildren.  Guess not.

I’m back to being apathetic again.  I mean, let’s be real, isn’t it time I just let it go…all of it?  All of the frustration, hurt, and anger.  I don’t want it poisoning my perspective.  And besides, I’m a grown man.  Shouldn’t I just suck it up, chalk it up, and move on?  I honestly don’t know if I should be over the issues I have with him or not.  Is it rational to still let this bother me?  Not sure.  But it does.  For the boys primarily, but me too.

With that said, I vowed to myself when I found out my wife was pregnant with our first son, that I would be the best dad I could possibly be.  I’ve stuck to that.  My boys know they’re loved.  I say it all the time and show them daily.  They know I’ve got their backs, no matter what.  They have a stable home with two overly loving parents.  The only house they’ll remember from their childhood is going to be this one, the one they came home to, and will as long as health and time allow.  They are provided for their every need, before anything I need or want.  They have been taught to be polite.  They have received discipline when necessary, some harsh and difficult to dole out, but fair.  They have traveled all over the country, seen countless sites, enjoyed varied culture, and have been given an appreciation for music of all types.

I could go on and on about how their childhood has been immensely different from mine, better if you will.  I’m not bragging.  I’m not trying to pretentiously state I’m superior in any way.  I’ve made plenty of mistakes as a dad.  Plenty!  But I am most assuredly a dad.  I can’t imagine anything in the world that could prevent me from being a part of their lives.  Even when I’m 70 like my dad and they’re 40ish like me.  Nothing!  I will always want to know them, their hopes and dreams, their families, my grandchildren, and be an integral, not intrusive, part of their lives until the day I die!  Period!  End Of Story!  I can’t imagine what goes through my dads mind.  To allow this to continue.  And to chalk it up to laziness?  Un-fucking-acceptable!  So, in honor of the fact that I don’t wish to become the man he has, my song of the day is:

“Old Man” by Neil Young.

22 comments on “Not this old man!”

  1. I’m sorry he’s an idiot. Hugs to you xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    • Eh, it is what it is. Just a shame, ya know? He’s missed, and will continue to miss, out on so much of these boys’ lives. I hate it for them, and I don’t understand.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I don’t either. Some people are clueless. I am sad for him because he has wasted years of love, joy and laughter. All my Mom wanted on this earth was to spend as much time as she could with her grandkids. So since she died my Dad and I go to every little play, assembly, n recital lol. Luckily my Dad’s girlfriend loves them like her own. And she really enjoys them ya know? Does arts n crafts, plans outings, etc. That means the world to me and I know Mom is happy about it. It makes it suck just a little less. Hugs 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • You’re lucky. And your niece and nephew are lucky. I wish my guys had great grandparents. There’s nothing in the world like em, if they’re good ones. My MIL was awesome but they don’t remember much about her since they were young when she died. My FIL is great too but lives 11 hours away. My mom? Never mind! My dad? Sucks! I hate it for the boys, I really do. Not in my control though. Thanks for the response. Really appreciate it! Hope all is well with you!


  2. I like Neil Young… Coming from someone who has issues with her family– and someone practicing Buddhism– I’ve learned that when we’ve made peace with our parents (and that doesn’t mean a relationship), that’s when we don’t turn out like them.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Maybe your dad hasn’t grown up. I remember my father trying to make peace with his own family before he passed away. They never answered his calls. And my mom threw all all his correspondence so there’s my contact there.

    Liked by 1 person

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