Come one! Come all!!!

By: sonofabeach96

Aug 23 2015

Category: Uncategorized


Some days, today being one of them, having kids, especially more than two, is like running a circus.  When there are more than two, the parents are outnumbered.  I miss the days of toddlers, when I could put them in overalls.  That way, when they went speeding past me in a hysteria of excitement, I could simply snatch them up by the back of their dungarees like a bag of groceries.  It’s kind of like herding cats.  It hasn’t gotten any easier.  In fact, now that they are older and bigger, I can no longer pick em up by their pants.  And they’re faster too!  Add to this the new freedom that their age and our naive trust in them has created, and keeping tabs on them has become quite the task.

imageThese 3 seem to have boundless energy, particularly in a new setting or when in someplace they’ve been excited to go to.  Or, like today, having a play date. But with two other boys!  That’s right, that makes 5.  Count ’em.   I swear, it’s like a clown car when we arrive.  They keep pouring out and going in different directions.  And when you add a couple more, it’s even more comical.  At times, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  I usually go with the former, but I have a bit of a twisted sense of humor, so I can find a laugh in even the worst situations.

Having just the three is plenty to contend with in itself.  We were in a thrift store recently, something we do often because we are problem junkers and collectors.  They were away from us as we looked over some clothing.  I thought they were looking in the toy section.  All of the sudden, CRASH!!!  Broken glass.  Silence throughout the shop.  I paused, looked at my wife, and I said, “I hope that wasnt one of ours!”.  It was.

I remember losing one at the beach one time.  He simply vanished!  I was frantically running around with the other two looking for the other little Houdini.  After 10 minutes of futility I decided the other two were slowing my hunt down and had to be returned to mom.  My first thought was, “She’s gonna fucking kill me!”, because I’ve misplaced her first born son.  Turns out, he had to poop, found his way past numerous other houses and had shown up on the deck of the house we were staying in.  All’s well that ends well, but rest assured, I got a “look” from her outta the deal.  The kind of look that says, “If something would’ve happened to him, I would’ve fucking killed you!”.  Scared the shit outta me!!!

And, it’s not only when out.  They are, at times, like today, too much for a man my age to deal with.  At home.  My supposed sanctuary.  There are times, like today, that I wish I had a secret room with total darkness, walls padded floor to ceiling with down pillows, and soundproofing.  I love them more than life itself, but I am driven to drink by these monkeys some days.  Like today.

Have I mentioned that yet?  That, if you have kids, there will be days you’ll want to run away screaming,”I’m free!!!”.  Like today!?!  I suppose, even if you don’t have kids, one could say the same about living day-to-day with a spouse, parent, or roommate.  But with multiple kids?  Multiply these feelings of flight by, oh, I don’t know….infinity!!!

Anyway, to anyone who is considering having a child, or more specifically, a second, third, or fourth, once you are outnumbered, it’s a game of hide and seek, tag your it, and you are likely to be on the losing end.  While they’re young, I recommend overalls whenever in public.  Crowds?  A leash may be in order.  Just kidding, even though I have seen parents using them.  Just remember, if you have more kids than hands, you are at a severe disadvantage.  Good luck, you’re probably gonna need it!

18 comments on “Come one! Come all!!!”

  1. No wonder my mother keeps suggesting overalls while shopping. Even though I’m 20..
    My sister is five months into pregnancy and she can’t stop talking about how she much she’s going to miss being pregnant and that she wants more and more kids soon.(Being the spoilt favourite AND pregnant has too many advantages) I’ll make sure she reads your post! 😀 Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post! Really made me smile. My parents had twins first, so I was easy peasy as a baby lol. And my brothers were um let’s say rambunctious lol. Yeah that’s a nice way of saying it. They tied up babysitters, took off their little winnie the pooh suits at age 4 on the corner outside church, threw them in bushes and waved naked at the parishioners lol. Oh but still had socks n dress shoes on heehee. My Mom had taken me to change my diaper n Dad had to work 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Is that where the song there will be days lime that co.e from… kids are grown, but reading about yours brings back memories…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my goodness. When I read a set of twin boys….my sympathies 😉 p.s. I think you are absolutely hilarious. Thank you for the smiles and the chuckles.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh yes. Once you go from two to three you have to switch from man-on-man to zone defense. And some days, the only reason they’re still alive is because they’re really cute. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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