Well, that didn’t take long

By: sonofabeach96

Jan 28 2016

Category: Uncategorized

24 Comments

It’s true, it didn’t take long (unfortunately, sarcasm doesn’t always translate to text), to figure out that being an empathetic, soft-hearted, and vulnerable-to-the-urge-to-help kinda person isn’t a sign of weakness.  That caring instead of ignoring, helping instead of avoiding, and hurting for someone instead of being apathetic does not mean one is weak.  Nor is one a scaredy-cat, wussy, or wimp because one cries, aches, or mourns for another.

It only took about 44 years of emotional repression for me to figure out I wasn’t flawed, or less of a man, or not strong, simply because I have the curse of being aware of those dreaded…FEELINGS!  Dudes aren’t supposed to be sensitive to, or give in to, those pesky annoyances referred to as emotions.  We’re supposed to buck up, go to it, and get shit done.  Worrying too much for something or someone that doesn’t directly affect us was to be kept a distant accessory to our own tasks at hand, we were taught.  Well, at least I was, but then my primary male influence growing up was my WWII surviving, D-Day participating grandfather who’d rather have shed a finger than a tear.

I call bullshit!

I think it’s entirely possible to be both, strong and confident yet sensitive to the needs and hurts of others.   Kick ass and get shit done yet be willing to stop, help, and lend an ear or a shoulder to someone in need.  I’m good with this.  I accept this part of my core.  And even though it pissed my aforementioned grandpa off, and he never quite understood that side of me, and even criticized it, it’s not something I was capable of turning off.  Now that I’ve gotten to this point in my life, and have 3 impressionable young men to teach, I’m glad I didn’t abandon the notion.

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Even though, according to some, it was perceived as weakness, and not how a man was supposed to behave.  Well, it’s too damn bad for them.  And that’s not how I’m choosing to raise my boys.  This is:

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I hope they learn that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, just continue to follow their heart, to be understanding and patient, to allow themselves to take risks, and to allow themselves to experience and accept emotions as they come.  I hope they’re watching and listening.

My songs of the day are:

“I Don’t Care” by Thunderbitch

“Always” by Junip

“Walk The Wire” by Boy and Bear

“Alright Guy” by Todd Snyder

“Bread and Water” by Ryan Bingham

 

24 comments on “Well, that didn’t take long”

  1. There is no better way to be SOB. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Good for you for calling bullshit. That stuff is toxic. Your boys are lucky.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Good stuff. I have dealt with this myself. We often hear about the wrong-headed attacks on women, but I rarely hear about the way a man’s masculinity is maligned publicly and often. We should certainly improve the way women are appraised, but we should also with men.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I agree. Not much rubs me the wrong way than TV men and dads and husbands being portrayed as bumbling boob, inept, out of touch, oafish Neanderthals. It’s bullshit. Us dads and husbands who actually are great dudes and awesome dads get thrown under the shithead bus. We aren’t all Al Bundy! Now, I am a dude, and as such I too have a lurking inner Neanderthal. But I can control when and where he shows up for Christ sake.

      Liked by 3 people

  4. They will know as they have a wonderful mom and dad that will show them the rights of the world…that’s all we can do….and you both are doing a great job….kat

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Had to come back here and stare at the beach! Been years since I had my feet in the sand.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Two Swedish writers Doris Dahlin and Maggan Hägglund wrote a book a couple of years ago about people with HSP skills. They belong to that kind of people and they call it “strong-fragile”. As you say, you can be both and that’s a skill, not a weakness. When I finally get that about my self I could start using the knowledge as a good superpower. That was great. So good luck with doing good to your family 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. It takes great strength to handle those forces we cannot see.

    (Not sci-fi. Emotion.)

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Excellent post. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Out of subject, but I found this blogpost with an interesting link. I thought of you and one of your sons when I read it. Maybe it’s nothing, but the words photo, father and son and autism is the theme in the article.
    Source: How Photography Bridged the Autism Gap Between Father and Son — Vantage — Medium
    https://kanvaasi.wordpress.com/2016/02/07/how-photography-bridged-the-autism-gap-between-father-and-son-vantage-medium/

    Like

    • That was awesome. The backstory is eerily similar. My son is now 13 as well. Through ever changing levels of maturity and experience, combined with diligent work for the previous 10 years, he’s high functioning and very adept at expressing himself. Friday night, they had a dance at his school. He wanted to go, which isn’t unusual for him now. When I dropped him off, he didn’t need me to walk him in, be bopping himself right into the school. When I picked him up, he was in among 8-10 kids taking pictures and goofy poses. He’s growing, his peers love him, and he’s confident. It’s been an amazing journey with new discoveries and hope every day.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for sharing. Warms my heart to hear when kids grows safe and happy. You’re all doing a great job to find good ways to make everything work 🙂

        Like


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