King for a day

By: sonofabeach96

Feb 08 2016

Category: Uncategorized

33 Comments

I wonder, some days, if all good things must really come to an end.  If anything good is merely temporary.  In the yin and yang that is life, is it too much to expect to enjoy long ebbs in the delivery of shit sandwiches while basking in the glow of  extended good fortune?  Am I merely fooling myself?  Is life always vascillating between periods of the calm before the storm, then the storm, then another break in the clouds, albeit temporary.

Right now, I feel like I have things sorta figured out. That concerns me, as that’s when life tends to kick you in the nads.  We aren’t rich or jet setting or part of the St Bart’s for Christmas crowd by any means.  But we do fine.  I suppose one could consider us firmly middle class, although we choose to live below our means.  We have a home where we want, jobs we feel called to perform, and three healthy kids, minus that pesky Autism thang, but hey.  We have cars that run, and 2 of the three are paid off, with a quarter million miles on each, but hey.  We have precious little debt, savings for house emergency’s and retirement, although college worries us, but hey.  My wife and I are very much in love, and have been for 25 years.  The sappily-nauseatingly-annoying-to-others kinda love, but hey.  I feel like King For A Day, relatively speaking.

That said, if life is all ebb and flow, yin and yang, and good times, bad times, then will, or when will, my other shoe drop?  And in what manner?  I don’t let my concerns show, keeping my doubts and fears, for the most part, locked away in the “mine” file deep in the microfish room in my psyche.  But when in that storage room, my mind will sometimes wander, to the negative.  The things I fear, worry about, and work diligently to prevent.  Our health, careers, kids’ well being, my marriage, and the general care and continued manner of life we’ve created and lead.  Fear that one of those aspects will change, be interrupted, or altered in some way, negatively.  It scares me.

I’m not a young man anymore.  I’m 47, my parents are at or near 70, as are my wife’s.  My oldest is still a year away from being a freshman in high school!  WTF were we thinking, waiting so long to have kids?   So, yes, my health and mortality, and that of our parents’, is something I worry about.  The stability of my career, as volatile and ever-more-corporate-by-the-day as healthcare becomes, will I be able to continue to provide for my family and achieve the goals my wife and I have set for ourselves.  Will our kids be ok, if something were to happen to one, or both of us?  Are we doing a good job with them thus far, but nearing losing our power of influence as they creep towards teen-dom and the accompanying awkwardness, peer pressure, and bad influences that loom?

When these thoughts nearly overwhelm me, and I contemplate the benefits of going full-on mid-life-crisis-SOB, I’m scared, but also grateful.  See, as the responsibilities and concern have exponentially grown in conjunction with the reality of aging, so too have the happy times, memories, and meaningfulness of my dearest relationships, those I share with my closest friends, my amazing wife, and my beautiful boys.  And when I retreat to my sanctuary, our home in the middle nowhere, and yet various stages of renovation, I’m surrounded by the serenity of nature, and the love of my family.

As fellow Kentuckian Wendell Berry

image

so eloquently states:

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If my stride is suddenly broken, or my path is diverted south in a hurry, I’ll know that I’ve had an amazing life.  That I was blessed beyond what I would even consider remotely possible.  That I had been given the greatest of gifts, the love of another and of children.  No matter what I face in the future, what travesties and calamity await, if it is destined to be so, I will always be thankful to be given the bounty of being King For A Day.

My songs of the day are:

“It’s Good To Be King” by Tom Petty

“I Used To Be A King” by David Crosby and Graham Nash

“The Full Catastrophe” by John Mellancamp

“King Without A Crown” by Matisyahu

“Smooth Sailing” by Leon Bridges

“Kingpin” by Wilco

“S.O.B.” by Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Crawlers

“Riding With The King” by B.B. King and Eric Clapton

 

 

33 comments on “King for a day”

  1. Ya know, I think I’m going to stop asking “why”…
    I think I’m going to begin accepting life as it is, and maybe, just maybe…I can finally see what’s good.

    You seem to already have that perspective, in a lot of ways, and I admire that. There really is an ebb and flow to life, and it’s how we handle the stormy waters that truly count, I think.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Such a lovely post! It is very inspiring to learn that someone is loving their life and their family. Don’t be afraid of anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m glad it’s not just me! I thought I was being really, really silly being afraid to be care free and…happy really. My youngest is 16, terrible pregnancy (I can tell you, because you’ll understand, she had a twin, but sadly not born alive), then a blinking heart condition, then blinking blinking cerebral palsy. I’m pretty content on the whole right now, but terrified of the next thing to smash ‘my’ life apart. Cheery, aren’t I 😉

    You’re 47?? Definitely old enough to start a cool gnome collection haha!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yup, getting old, aren’t you?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The love of your family is so important. It is all. I know you feel that age is creeping but you only have to worry about that in 20 years. And look at the beautiful children. Trust that you’ve given them everything they need to go out there and change the world.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I am 12 years older than you….a word from someone who used to stress on the what ifs, and always waiting for the other heel to drop…listen don’t sweat the small stuff…you paint a beautifully happy picture of a secure, steady as she goes home….kids are fed, roof over their head and parents who care deeply not only for them but each other….shit happens no matter in life….don’t waste your precious time worrying about when its going to happen, you already know it will happen at some time why stress when…just keep striving to be the best man, father, husband, son, friend you can be….and everything else is just that…everything else….no matter how prepared you are for a crisis there will always be something more you thought you should of done to prepare…life is taking the ups and downs like a roller coaster ride… its how you handle the downs and celebrate the ups….that count…..great post….deep breath your doing great,,,,xxkat

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Such a beautiful post SOB. I wonder if all that worry comes from the traumatic drama of our younger years? And now that we are older we have such trouble living in the moment without a sense of foreboding. Life can be too good sometimes. Just breathe through it my friend. Love the poem. It is so true.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Don’t worry, man. You got good things in your life. It’s not that happiness attracts bad fortune so it’s ok to be happy. That’s what life is also there for and what better time to be happy when things are good 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  9. To worry or not to worry, that’s the long life question:D
    I know what you mean. It’s scary when you think that all or part of your happiness and love can go away in just a blink. But I try to scare those scary thoughts away by being forever grateful for what I have for now. If it someday go away for any reason, at least I appreciated the moments when they were there. Doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Great advice Anna. That’s how I live daily as well, oh so grateful. But boy, when the immensity of it all strikes me, it gets my stomach in knots. Although those thoughts are sporadic at best, they are intense. Thanks Anna. 😃

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I actually have a similar topic I’ll hopefully be tackling soon – this directly relates to what I was doing this week.

    Liked by 1 person


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