Teach your children well

By: sonofabeach96

Mar 19 2016

Category: Uncategorized

77 Comments

The following poem is one I was familiar with, but hadn’t thought of in some time.  I was reminded of it due to a bit of a scene I witnessed while in a home improvement store aisle yesterday afternoon.  Odd place to have poetry pop into one’s mind, in direct relation to a real-life display, but it happened.  What I witnessed was embarrassing, empathetically speaking.  I felt awful for that child, being shamed and verbally slayed, in front of other people.

I nearly said something, but as a parent myself, I know how I feel when someone tells me how I should or shouldn’t discipline my kids.  So, i held my tongue.  But sheesh.  I know what it’s like.  I know how frustrating and stressful it is to wrangle multiple kids under 6 or 7.  I get it.  But this was kinda harsh.

Those words sting, and remain filed away in the ego’s microfish storage room for ease of retrieval when most un-needed, potentially stifling self-esteem and confidence.

That feeling of being belittled and insulted lingers, and festers into ambivalence, depression, or anger.

That reaction from their adult role model teaches overreaction, lack of self control, and entitlement.

It’s so easy to lose it sometimes.  To allow…it all…to become so overwhelming that we become a ticking time-bomb of angst, anger, and annoyance, then take it out on the very one’s closest to us.  Likely, simply due to proximity of the eminent explosion.  But the parent is supposed to be the adult.  The mature one with some measure of capability in controlling reactions and responses.  Would you treat your friend that way?  Your spouse (ok, maybe this is a bad example in some cases), your co-worker, your waiter, your checkout person at the grocery…anybody?  Not likely.  What makes it ok to do it to your own child?  They’re people too.  And they’re watching.

image

My songs of the day are:

Go Outside” by Justin Paul Lewis

Future People” by Alabama Shakes

The Love That We Need” by Hayes Carll

Teach The Children Well” by Crosby, Stills, and Nash

Capsized” by Andrew Bird

Come People” by Xavier Rudd & The United Nations

Wasted Love” by City and Colour

 

77 comments on “Teach your children well”

  1. Some choices we make in lifrie, made within our emotions..

    We’re only human!

    chris

    Liked by 2 people

    • I get that, but this scene was pretty harsh. Believe me, with three boys, there’s times I could be convinced that bodily harm is the only remaining course of action. I feel the eruption brewing. They can be maddening. But that reaction was way over the top, and taught several bad things. I hope she had a talk with him, apologized, and have him a hug.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Beautiful post, thoughts, compassion, words…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’ve lost it on occasion with my offspring – verbally, never physically – once I’ve calmed down and know I’ve overreacted – I’ve apologised and explained how I’ve felt. I hope I’ve taught them that Mom is “human” not Superwoman – that I have bad days when I don’t feel well or have worries they know nothing of – I hope they’ve learnt compassion and understanding and that the whole world doesn’t revolve around them all of the time x

    Liked by 2 people

    • I hear ya! I’ve gone off too. I felt like shit immediately after doing so too. I will say though, I’ve never done it in such a public forum as a store. Going out to the car? Yes. In front of dozens of gawking onlookers? No. And the apology comes quickly. While explaining what made me so upset in the first place. I still say what I saw yesterday was over the top though.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Good post. The poem is so point on.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Good post. The poem hits the nail in the head.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’ve been on the receiving end of criticism and humiliation. My relationship with my mother is still very complicated. It’s a thing you don’t easily overcome. Discipline should be to to teach not to punish. Of course, you are going to fly off the handle once in a while – you’re only human, but excessively and publicly? The poem states it beautifully.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Oh, I so agree. I get the feeling when parents are very loud and overbearing with their children in public it’s because they are embarrassed and want to show onlookers what disciplinarians they are. And that totally disregards how the child feels. Kids push, yes, but you have to remember who the grown up is, keep your temper and deal later. Sometimes there are reasons kids are acting up, like hunger, thirst, tiredness, boredom.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. This is absolutely true. Kids don’t ask to be born. Yes we all have bad days n that’s ok. But many need to take a deep breath n remember how lucky they are to have kids 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Great post!!! I’ve called someone out before in a store. He was handling his child by screaming at him while carrying him out by him arm. I mean the child probably weighed 60 lbs and to be carried out by his one arm….I thought the Dad might snap his arm in half. He then screamed at me and that’s when I threatened to call 911. He put him down then.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. i guess we can forget sometimes that we were once children of that age as well. hope you’re well! 🌅

    Liked by 1 person

  11. that was sad….its hard to watch parents berate their children in public…and like you said we don’t know if they were at there last straw or are they just jerks all the time…I can tell you that since I moved down here, to the land of the retired snow birds, the elite group of people who think that because they are here helping o support the community that we should be bowing down to them….I have been trying to turn the other cheek and taking deep breaths, but they make it really hard to be nice to some of them…but parents being mean and bullying there kids in public….just frigin sad….and I love the poem and had a copy hanging on my firidge for many years…..love the picture above…kat

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I think children have a talent to push you to your limits and beyond, sometimes we may lose it, but if I have lost my temper apologising is a good way to deal with it. One of my bug bears is people who won’t say sorry to their child because they are just children. If I am going to make my child say sorry, I should make sure if I am in the wrong I should be able to say it and as an adult explain why I lost my temper and why I was wrong to do it.

    Of course on occasions I have gone in a time out, handy to do at home, not so in a store.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well said. I think we’ve all, as parents, lost it. But yes, just because it’s a child doesn’t give someone the right to treat them like shit then not say sorry. I have no idea what that woman’s dynamic was. But it was rough to watch. I hope her and her child worked it out later on. And yes, children have a special gift for getting under their parents’ skin. Do they ever! But take it to the car, not in front of a bunch of strangers. Just my opinion though.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I am trying to think if I have lost it with my son in public (I only have the one) and there was one occasion where I had to carry him out kicking and screaming, but I was perfectly calm (on the outside) I think like you I prefer dealing with it in a private setting.

        The one thing I have found is shouting at children (this could just be mine) doesn’t work, he just rolls his eyes at me. However low and deadly works a lot better

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh yeah, the lean in, whispering firmly in their ear, or looking them directly in the eyes while nose to nose? Seems to make much more impact than yelling at them, at least it does with mine. I can recall ever making a scene in public, but I’ve marched them right out to the parking lot. We even left a restaraunt once before our food even came. They certainly know how to tap on that last nerve. 😃

        Liked by 1 person

      • its a skill all kids have. I am not sure when they grow out of it. I must ask my mum if I have :-p

        Liked by 1 person

      • Haha! I’m sure some never grow out of it. I’m certain of that. 😃

        Liked by 1 person


  13. Hate to see that happen too.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. It’s so true that we should treat our little ones as we would treat our best friend! We forget that they grow up and then live what we taught them! Great post and insights!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Such a big difference between losing your temper once in a while (and apologising for it), and systematically shaming and humiliating a kid. We’re only human, but some are more monstrous than others. I’ve always liked that poem (blogged about it myself a while back, about spanking).

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I can’t read the poem properly from my phone so I have to get back to this page later. But good one Sonny. It’s so important to know that!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Very well said and you know how much I agree with you already. Isn’t it interesting how we went down the same path at more or less the same time with our posts?!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m glad that I found and read this post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Robert! I remember that day. It was hard to watch. 😕

      Liked by 1 person

      • I saw a scene like that on the street a few years before I knew what a dissociative disorder was or that I had one.

        The child looked no older than five.

        His Mother was shouting insults and obscenities at him.

        I was instantly in that child’s body and flooded with emotional pain and shame.

        Public humiliation is one of the worst forms of psychological abuse an adult can inflict on a child.

        It’s the kind of abuse that can haunt a person for the rest of his or her life.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I agree, and the scene I saw was similar. I felt terrible for the child, and total disdain for the mom for doing it. I get discipline, and I get that kids will find your last nerve and dance on it. But berating them in public is not ok.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Right.

        And thank you for noticing because more people will see it for the wrong that it is…

        Liked by 1 person


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: