Better days

By: sonofabeach96

Apr 14 2016

Category: Uncategorized

87 Comments

Losing someone, breaking up with someone, being left by someone.  Being confused, lost, scared.  Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, WAY overstimulated.  Suppressing hurt, anger, bitterness.  Or expressing all three, depending on the day.

We’ve all been there before, I’m certain of it.  I’ve been there, to be sure.  Many a time.  Not knowing which way is up, or my ass from a hole in the ground.  And, even though I’m a loner and relish my alone time, I’ve felt utterly isolated from everyone and everything.

Right now, for me, us, things are good.  But for many of you, whom I follow and read along with, sometimes daily, things are not going well.  Some are sad, some are alone, some are confused.  Some are ill, some are recovering.  Some are reconciling, some…are not.  Two of my favorite people, both of whom I have known for 20-30 years, are in the fight of their relationships’ life, with the outcome very much up in the air.

Listening to your stories, their story, and remembering, vividly how it feels to be in a similar circumstance of emotion and experience, has me feeling melancholy today.  I’m grateful that things are good for my family right now. We’ve had our fights through the muck…and survived.  But it breaks my heart to read the things some of y’all are dealing with, much of it out of your control.  My buddy Mel, whom I worry about all the time.  My man assentivelyyours.  My new friend Steph, who inspired this post by way of her post yesterday.  Tiger Lily, Sunshine Life, MeRaw, Fonz, and two of my best, long-term friends in life.  And so many others.  All are suffering and struggling and fighting and battling.  Different fights, but similar scars.

I don’t mean for any of this to sound patronizing, but I feel your hurt.  I want y’all to know that at least one person is thinking of you, hoping for you, and praying for you.  That confusion be turned into clarity, that sadness be transformed into peace, that illness be transformed into health, that fear be transformed into confidence, and that loneliness be transformed into love.  For as little as I’m actually able to help, I got your backs, I can provide ears to listen,  and good vibes are being sent your way.

My songs of the day are:

Hurt A Little While” by Patti Griffin

Cautionary Tale” by Dylan LeBlanc

The Fear” by Lily Allen

Hey World” by Michael Franti & Spearhead

Roller” by Quilt

Stronger Than That” by Bahamas

Atomic Number” by case/lang/viers

C’mon Please” by Beau

 

87 comments on “Better days”

  1. This post is so true. We all are dealing with our own struggles and scars. I love the song choices by the way.
    Are your friends trying to save the relationship? I am sure it is hard for you as a friend to see them go through this.

    Liked by 4 people

    • They’re “talking”. I haven’t spoken to either about it in great detail in the past few day or two. But at this point, I’m not sure how reconciliation will go. Just sad. 20 years, maybe flushed, over a fling. Doesn’t make sense. 😕

      Liked by 2 people

  2. What a nice guy you are! I often have to force myself (yeah…force) to see what’s good in my life because it’s very easy for the not-so-good to take over everything. Some days I’m successful… others not so much. It feels skewed… the good-to-bad ratio… some days I just don’t have the power to push the bad aside. And it always amazes me how lonely one can feel even if rarely alone.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, I am no angel, believe me, but nice guy? Yep. Got me stuck in the dreaded “friend zone” many a time. Why are women attracted to utter douche bags, by the way? Anyway, yes, feeling lonely in a crowd is an dichotomy. I love my alone time, when I want it. But I didn’t ever care for it when I craved someone close and intimate. Even loners need some lovin’. 😃

      Liked by 2 people

      • Yes they do! I admit to a couple of douche bags…lol …But sometimes, it just didn’t work. Not 100% sure it’s working right now but it’s definitely not something I’m going to throw away… 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      • What didn’t work? Nice guys or diuche bags? The key, much like a woman who’s sweet by day but wild by night, is to find a nice guy with a dark side, not a complete DB. I hope your current relationship works out for ya’. 😊

        Liked by 2 people

      • What didn’t work? Well, some of the nice guys and all of the DBs! 😀 I think what I have now was right… at one point. And maybe it’ll feel right again someday. I sure hope so because this is for life… I’m not going to give up my kids’ father… or our life. I guess I am just sick of the times I don’t feel like it’s ‘great’… whatever that even means! And sorry for whining all over your post!!

        Liked by 2 people

      • Please. No reason to apologize at all. I admire your willingness to work for your relationship. So many just toss years of history aside at the sign of trouble, instead of actually working at it, together. Has to be a two-way street though. Hope it gets better for y’all. 😊

        Liked by 2 people

      • I think that’s part of what drives me mad. I feel like I’m working on it but usually, he’s not. And it’s not that he’s consciously ‘not working on it’… it’s that he thinks (a) he is… or (b) there’s nothing to work on, everything is just spiffy.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hmm. Have y’all talked about that disconnect? Us dudes aren’t exactly the most observant creatures sometimes. 😃

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, we have. Extensively. To the point where I felt that it was too much… and it was going nowhere quite possibly because he was sick of talking about it. (Or more accurately, sick of listening to it as most of the talking was me… go figure, huh? 😀 ) So I stopped all talk about it. In my heart, I’m hoping that by leaving it alone, at some point HE will bring it up… but in my head, I know that’s not bloody likely.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I was like him for a while. I trusted no one! My wife, I trusted her more than anyone, but not fully. It caused us huge issues, and nearly broke us up. I had this wall built up, for various reasons over many years, that had nothing to do with her at all. But the wall remained. She’s a talker, about everything. Could talk the brass off a door knob. We had to come to some sort of compromise on the communication. It’s not that we had a bad marriage early on. We’ve always loved each other like crazy and were positive we were meant to be together. But relationships, even super ones with tons of love, require some work…and compromise. I wish this for y’all, because, once I started communicating with her like she needed, it turned out that I needed it too. I just never knew it. A whole new world of trust, full-on trust, was opened up to me, and us. I hope he tries it at some point. He won’t regret it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for sharing your story. It is SO easy for me to see (or even just hear about) happy couples and assume everything’s been perfect the entire time they’ve known each other. Logically I know that’s unlikely, but it’s still where my brain goes. Thank you again. I really appreciate it. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ohhhh! Trust me when I say, neither of us, nor our relationship itself, should ever be considered “perfect”. We’re just perfect for each other. Her mom, who was apt to theorize, used to say there are no psychological mismatches. That lasting relationships are, in large part, just two screwed up psyche’s that fit one another. Maybe she was right. I just know we’re in a much better place than ever before, in 24 years together so far. Lots of ups and downs. Ya just gotta decide if the relationship is worth fighting for, I think. Just one guys opinion though. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • Maybe that’s the thing… we’ve only been together for 18 years. Maybe we’re in a ‘down.’ Maybe at 24 years we’ll be in an ‘up.’ 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Never know. We’ve been in an “up” for 5 or 6 years now. The cynic in me wonders when the “down” is coming. I hate that lingering doomsday voice. 😏

        Liked by 1 person

      • We all have it, I think… that voice. I think I take it back… I don’t think we’ve had an ‘up’ for that long since the first 5 or 6 years of our relationship. The romantic in me would love to believe that everyone finds the right person but it usually feels like that’s everyone except me. There was a time I thought this was it… but with how I’ve been feeling for the past few years, I really don’t know anymore. But like I said, this is what I have… it’s all I’m going to have… I’m not going anywhere. I just wish he wasn’t so… I don’t know… blind to how blah we’ve become. I think he things everything is fine… and I don’t think fine is good enough. Okay maybe I’m thinking about this too much today… I’m kind of a mess now!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. What a bunch of drivel. Do people actually read this nonsense. Does it actually make you feel good about yourself. Get a life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Don’t really recall asking your opinion, asshole. Now, go back to the basement, continue jacking off to women you’ll never have, and let mommy make you some breakfast. And, by the way, fuck off! Buh-bye now.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you, my friend. I am humbled by the words of support and the spirit of compassion.
    I will survive, though. Sometimes my posts come off a little painful, but I am working through all this and I have every confidence that I will come out the other side a much better person in the long run – mostly because, I know I don’t like the alternative.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you very much. I appreciate this post. Well said.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. You have been one the BEST supporters on this platform for our woes. You prove your empathy and sympathy a million times over and have always provided solid advice. You are a good friend to us all and we appreciate you!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. And, even though I’m a loner and relish my alone time, I’ve felt utterly isolated from everyone and everything.

    This is could relate to! I’d much rather hibernate for a while and grapple with what I’m going through and re-emerge when in a better place emotionally than to talk, talk, talk about it. I’ve gotten bad advice in the past, and shared things that didn’t do me any good, so I enjoy healing situations with energy now – meditating, going to crystal bowl/sound healing classes, listening to motivational videos, etc. I feel so much better for it, and I’m learning to trust myself more and more.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Will do. You do the same.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Gosh – I don’t know what to say, except thank you! It’s a strange world, this Word Press world, but it is nice to know someone is out there thinking of me. 😊

    Without going into details yet (that might jinx it) I’ll just say things are looking up. Leaving for a week seemed to wake him up.

    Your friends are at the start of a really hard process, that I know for sure. I also believe that they will eventually find their way to whatever is meant to be for their relationship, as we do.
    Just being there for your friend is a valuable gift. We don’t all have a friend like that in real life.

    I hope YOU are enjoying some sunshine today. I definitely am – it’s a beautiful day! ☀️☀️

    Liked by 3 people

    • No need to thank me. I appreciate the community, and I’ve gotten to “know” a bunch of great people here. Of course I think about y’all. As for my friends, I don’t know what to think yet, it’s way too early to know how it’ll turn out. We love them both no matter what though. I was so mad at her that day that I neglected the fact that my friend likely has some culpability in this mess too. I hope they work it out. I’m glad things are more positive for you guys. That’s promising. 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  10. So many relatable truths i read this 3 times. Reminded why i first respected you. Your honesty♡

    Liked by 3 people

  11. You’re a good friend in real and virtual life. Your sincerity just shines through. The people who have you in their corner are lucky indeed. I was wondering about your friends. I hope they can get past this. Thinking of y’all with love! 👍

    Liked by 2 people

  12. You are such a compassionate man, thank-you for sharing your thoughts so honestly. I understand this completely, sometimes I read little because I’m already overwhelmed in my own muck. Hugs to you today, for being so kind. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  13. You are a big sweetie! I was wondering how your friends were doing, too. Relationships are so difficult and I think the romance waxes and wanes over time, but for me, there are hard limits I couldn’t cross. Hubby feels the same. But each couple has to decide what works for them over time. I love my blogging friends and what a supportive group of people it generally is.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. So nice of you!
    Honest, I kinda am envious of how the bloggers are able to write on how they feel, etc.
    I am so unable to do it!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Hello? Me again. LOL! After the first comment I left for you, got to thinking about me being unable to do what I said up there.
    I went and googled it and I’ll be darned! There’s a name for it! Going to post it and you go see it.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. A day late (or way late), but I just wanted to add: well said. Wish there were more empathy for others, seems as though there is less and less of it every day.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Thank you so much for your words. they truly meant so much to me. You are such a wonderful person. Those are words I needed to hear. Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. This just shows what an amazing and selfless guy you are. How blessed we are to know you. I’m serious. Always a great friend to all of us and anyone that comes your way. What a thoughtful and caring post. It just goes to show how all of us can go through life’s ups & downs but we can be there for each other even if we’ve never met. Outstanding post!

    Liked by 2 people

  19. It’s hard to find people who can easily relate to the struggle of strangers on the internet

    Liked by 2 people

  20. you’re the real deal, sonB.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. Jim says Mel says she’s okay. But I wanna know the definition of her “okay”.

    Liked by 1 person


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