Allow Me To Embarrass Myself

By: sonofabeach96

Jun 04 2016

Category: Uncategorized


I saw this post the other day, Questions I Think Nobody Ever Asks, by amommasview.  I read it, but didnt take part due to time constraints.  Then, a couple days ago, I read this one, A Whole Buncha Shit You Never Knew You Wanted To Know About Me (AKA The One Where You Find Out Just How Perverted I Am)by my bud Stephallaneous.  It was funny as hell, and certainly worth a read.  I recommend you do so as soon as possible!

Anyway, I had a window of free time late last night, and a bad dose of insomnia, so I thought I’d play along myself.  I’ll probably regret doing so, but hey, what the fuck, right?

Here goes, with the original questions posed on amommasview’s post:

Boxer shorts or budgee smugglers?

Neither…I think.  I can’t say with any degree of certainty that I know what “budgee smuggler” is.  I’m guessing it’s like tidy whities?  Anyway, boxer briefs are the way to go.  Containing while not being constraining.

What color of underwear are you currently wearing?

I’m not.  Remember, I was writing this at like 2:00am.
How long have you been wearing them for already?

See the previous answer.

Do you ever use binoculars to watch people?

No.  Well, unless you count at a sporting event or concert.  Then, yes.  But not like Chester The Molester, no.
Have you ever kicked someone in the groin?

Accidentaly, yes.  During sporting events, backyard shenanigans, and, somewhat indirectly, by suggesting or taking part in the planning of a bad idea.  If a guy says, “Watch this!”, then you should likely get a camera rolling.  Wouldn’t want to miss the ensuing hot mess disaster.
Would you pull a trigger?

I have.  I have hunted, target shot, and skeet shot.  I do own guns.  They are treated with due respect and no, I’m not a doomsdayer or militiaman.
If you would meet your favorite celebrity and they would want to make out with you, would you?

Well, no.  I’m married and I actually love and adore my wife to bits.  So, as attracted to, and potentially tempted by the prospect of making out with her, I’m afraid I’d have to be flattered, but pass.  If I were single?  I’d be angling for more than a make out session.
Have you ever slept in a room and in the same bed with someone you were not in a relationship with (not talking about sex and having a one night stand)?

Have you had one-night-stands?

Yes, but not many.  My general number isn’t that high to begin with.  Hell, I’ve been with my wife exclusively since I was 23.  I had a short window of opportunity to inflate the number, but I wasn’t that dude anyway.
Does sex have the same importance to you know compared to when you were younger?

Absolutely!  Quite frankly, it’s gotten more important, more frequent, and better in a lot of ways as we’ve gone along over the years.
Have you ever eaten a worm?

Nope.  Nor will I ever if I can help it.
What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten?

What I think the grossest thing is or what I think others will think is the grossest?  I don’t know.  I’m not that adventurous an eater, so there really hasn’t been too much gross in there.  Does swallowing a fly while on a motorcycle count?  ‘Cause that kinda grosses me out even to this day.
How long do you spend sitting on the toilet?

As little as possible.  I do my thing and I’m out.  I know bunches of parents use it as a hideout, a home based padded room of sorts, to buffer from the banshees looming outside the door.  I prefer to do that in my workshop.
What do you do when you sit there (besides the obvious)?

Well, since you asked, we have what we refer to as The Entertainment Center hanging next to the toilet.  It contains a tiny Etch-A-Sketch, a little video Yahtzee, a solitaire game, a couple of reading materials.  I piddle while I piddle.
Have you ever been peed at?

Nope, not on purpose.  Having three boys, and the physical makeup of the male groin, I’ve been sprayed in the past, yes.  I’m going to assume it was not on purpose though.
What’s the grossest thing you have ever swallowed?

This could be such an interesting question for many.  In my case, and it makes me gag a bit to even recall it now, I had a roommate in college that dipped.  He used any fucking thing he could find as a spit cup.  This particularly disgusting point in time, he was using the same beer can type as what I was drinking.  I can’t go on.  I literally almost threw up in my mouth a little.  I think you can deduce the rest.
What’s the constantly dirtiest place in your home?

The front foyer.  We have zero concrete up at the house, just gravel, stone, or grass.  When it rains it’s mud, when it’s Fall it’s leaves.  In winter, it’s snow.  In dead of summer, it just dirt.  It’s always piled with three boys’….and my, shoes or boots.
Why don’t you clean it?

I do.  I swear.  But I can’t keep up.
Do you eat your buggers?

Can you describe the one smell that makes you gag?

The smell of dead.  It’s hard to take.  Someone else’s vomit will do the trick too.
Have you ever had head lice?

Nope, thank god.  Knock on wood, none of the boys have yet either.
Have you ever been utterly disappointed in someone?

Of course.
Have you ever been scared of someone? (Thanks, Linda, for the question)

I’ve never been in fear of someone for extended periods of time, no.  But I’ve been in situations that had me scared shitless, because of someone right there at that moment.  But at that point, it’s too late.  Face the music and hope it doesn’t end too badly.
What do you do and don’t want anyone to know when you are drunk?

I don’t really do anything I wouldn’t want someone to know about.  I really don’t get drunk anymore, and don’t drink a great deal more than the occasional afternoon totty or beer.  I do turn into a rampant verbalizer though.  Get a few cocktails in me and you’ll get your ear talked off.
Have you tried pole dancing?

Have you been in a strip club?

Yes, I have.  Three times, all during bachelor parties.
Have you run over an animal?

Yes.  And I hate it every single time it happens, no matter what type of animal it is.  I feel like shit the rest of the day after it happens.
Have you ever peed in snow?

Yep, and I can write my name in it too.
Have you ever made fun of someone and then regret it?

Of course.  I was never a bully, but sometimes you say things you regret to even those closest to you.
What’s your favorite kind of question of Cards for Humanity (for those who know the game)?

I can’t say I know the game, but based on the answer Stephellaneous gave, I think maybe I should familiarize myself with it.
If the father of your best friend would hit on you what would you tell him?

Sorry, Mr. C, but I’m not gay.
Would you go out on a date with someone half your age or double your age?

At this point in my life?  Doubt it.  But, when I was a late-teen/early 20 year-old, I….was seeing a co-worker who was in her mid-30’s.  It was fantastic!
Do you clean the sink after brushing your teeth?

I can’t say I clean the sink, like really clean it, after brushing my teeth.  But I don’t leave gunk and big globs of toothpaste all over the place either.  I’ll say I keep things tidy.
Have you ever spat in someone’s food or drink?

No, I haven’t personally, but I’ve seen it done.  Word of advice from someone who has worked in restaurants: do not piss off the people who handle your food.
Have you ever kissed someone only to be grossed out afterwards?

Not necessarily grossed out, but certainly heebie jeebied, like kissing my sister or something.  Like it just didn’t feel right, ya’ know?



There ya’ go.  Special thanks to amommasview and Stephallaneous for throwin’ this out there.  Hopefully, it’s not a bad case of TMI.  😏


My songs of the day are:

“Private Life” by The Pretenders

“Cautionary Tale” by Dylan LeBlanc

“Remain Silent” by Keb’ Mo’

“Nobody’s Fault But Mine” by Led Zeppelin

“Play The Game” by Queen

“Didn’t He Ramble” by Glen Hansard

“Red Wine, Mistakes, Mythology” by Jack Johnson

“Second Hand News” by Fleetwood Mac

39 comments on “Allow Me To Embarrass Myself”

  1. So many things to comment on! Lmao! This whole thing is hilarious!

    Watch this – so true!

    Grossest thing you swallowed… made me gag reading!

    Peed at!! Lmao!!

    Write your name in the snow?! Lol!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beach, ya kill me! LMAO! And you’re incredibly brave and honest, too! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha! Funny stuff! I read the Stephellaneous one too. But…I’m not thinking I’m going to play along. But who knows? I might just change my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Too funny! “Seeing” an older coworker, hmm? Sent u an email on the seahorses, btw

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Haha very cool, enjoyed your answers 🙂 and no, I don’t think you embarrassed yourself 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Those were some, uh, interesting questions. I thoroughly enjoyed this, and will not be answering these myself… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hilarious. I am thinking of the person who made up the original questionnaire. The answers might be fake, but the questions must be genuine 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. OMG – you are so very funny & honest! You were honest, right? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. What a fun questionnaire. It was a fun read. Not at all TMI.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. fantastic! Thank you so much for answering 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Awesome answers! I’ve had both posts/links from amommasviews saved, just in case I feel like playing along. I can already tell you that I don’t wear “budgee smugglers”. So there’s that…😋

    Liked by 1 person

  12. HAHAHA! Your answers are great! Superfun..I’m glad you played along, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. 😄😄😄😄 getting to know you!!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: